Friday, May 23, 2008

Warheads and Pokemon

I recently watched two episodes of the Power Rangers. This television series, to an adult-mind, is not only the worst television show ever created, but the worst television show conceivable. It is as if a seventeen year-old blind midget with attention deficit disorder started jumping up and down in front of you waving two giant leaves of lettuce, each the size of a twin bed. Also, the midget is half-American, half-Japanese. As in, literally, the midget is composed of two half-midgets glued together along the line of lateral symmetry, the right half-midget being Japanese, the left, American. Also the midget's attire is quite garish. This is the Power Rangers.

I want to run away from this midget as fast as possible and never meet it again. At the same time, it is completely understandable that kids would think Power Rangers is the greatest TV show ever. Kids possess a terrific and most awful imagination. It's terrific because it comes up with wild and crazy ideas, but terrible because the wild and crazy ideas are often stupid and nonsensical. To illustrate:

The Gost
Bob went to a store. A time machin was on sale. Bob asked how there was a time machin. The worker said he invented it. Bob bought the time machin and used it to go to the futur. The futur was very big. Bob saw a ghost he said to the gost "Hello" But the ghost didn't anser. He asked a guy "Why is there a gost" The guy said "He used to be a snowman in a field, but nobody liked him so he became gost" Bob went back in time machine to go to the present, but he didn't go back to home he went into a field and saw a snowman he saw it was the same as the snowman gost he just saw. He said "I like you snowman" He almost said "I like you snowman gost" but he realized the snowman was not a ghost yet so he just said "I like you snowman" He knew that now the snowman would not become a gost. He went back in time machine and back to his home.

Billy was in a forest.
Billy saw a black penny.
Billy knew the penny was black because someone had colored it black.
Billy picked up the penny.
Billy dropped the penny because he didn't know why it was black

Both the story "The Gost" and the avant-garde poem "Billy was in a forest" represent the creations of an immature child-mind. We can be assured that the child-mind behind these two intriguing, but ultimately flawed, works is immature simply because the author did not incorporate the idea of mechanical dinosaurs, color-coded teenagers, and an inexplicable creature named Zordon who is trapped inside the earth and can only be communicated with by using a special Zordon phone booth. In this way, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers represents the pinnacle achievement of the child-mind.

To the adult-mind, whether immature or mature, "The Gost", "Billy...", and MMPR are all fatally flawed. The stories are utterly nonsensical, the characters are completely unmotivated, and we begin to wonder how exactly those haphazardly joined midget-fractions can function together as an integral unit.

1 comment:

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